Marillyn Monroe

Marillyn Monroe
"Muah!!"

Saturday, May 21, 2016

When do they let you in?

Lately I been wondering about that..
When do you become accepted?
Youre with them but not of them..
So five years go rolling by as youre
There, living with a bf and his kid and
His parents
Nothing has changed in the way of the
Dynamics of family..
No mix and mingle..
For you
You are not included in plans of any kind
Conversations are not done in your presence
Its almost as if theres a secret floating around
Being kept from you.
Youve learned not to self include because of
The cold shoulders
So distance is your preferred choice
Hearing everything second hand is yours
Some families are like this, 
They dont see it they dont feel it
So they dont care
So I dont care
Close the bedroom door and turn up 
The tv.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Re: Chapo

Chapo is 5mos old now.
Hes my little shadow.. my mini me.
If I wake up at 7:30am
Chapo does too
If I lay in bed until noon
Chapo does too
Hes with me every step of the way.
Hes so attached to me its tiring.
Funny thing is that whenever I grab his leash
He knows were going somewhere.
Thats ok with him so long as he gets to walk me!
Yes, hell fuss and pull and yank on the leash until I
Surrender it.
Then off goes Chapo walking himself.
He has tocontrol the walk.
Chapo goes with me into any store, hes known and well behaved.
My life revolves around chapo.
I love it. Hes my boy
But at times it isnt feasable to take chapo to certain places
Omg..hell cry his ass off.
At nighttime hes Daddys baby, allways snuggled up with him
I. Love him.





Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Lies!..LIES!..and more Lies

OMG!..
Does anybody tell the truth?
The 100% truth?
Can anyone be honest?
Totally honest?
All these half truths and 
Part truths and
Almost truths suck!!
Just when you go against your own
Beliefs and decide reluctantly to believe
A person's being honest, 
BAM!!..a slap in your face!
They lied...again.
All the effort they put into claiming
Their honesty was a Lie.
A lie.
A dam lie.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

The Regret Will Not Be Mine

I packed away most of 
My possessions that adorned the walls
And this bedroom.
I packed up the clothes that I won't be wearing
In the next week or so.
I organized other things I own in boxes, baskets,
And drawers.
I called ahead for the help ill be needing
Moving my stuff out.
And now ill finally do it.
I don't know if I was dreading change
Or avoiding succumbing to failure
Or holding out for a miraculous transformation
Of a man who is anything but.
Whatever it was, it's been and it's done.
I will move forward with no regrets.
When I found myself defending my character
To a man who is unfaithful and deceitful
It was like a slap in my face.
I'm important here, I'm the one to be valued
And I'm fighting for my own self worth?
This is done.
Life is too short.

Inch of Sense

I've learned this...
When someone indulges your
Every whim..desire..need..habit..addiction..
It's not out of some glorious love and
Devotion to you..
It's merely their grooming process.
It's a lure..trap..snare..
If it is anything.
Once they feel your dependence on them
Is at a certain level
They use that as a method to Control.
Almost like dangling a bag of dope in front of
A drug addict
So you unwillingly comply at first
And before you know it, you're 
Compromising your beliefs and values
You hardly recognize yourself in the mirror
The abuse happens..be it emotional/physical
And you don't even leave.
You live pretending shit ain't happening
Stuck. Stuck.  So stuck.
Looking stupid.
Hopefully you have an inch of sense left
And you leave.
They won't mourn you...
They just move on to the next one that they've
Been doing all along anyway.
How do I know this?..
Because this is me.
And I have an inch of sense left.

Saturday, March 12, 2016

The Living Word

Not too long ago I was just coasting
Thru life..one day turned into the next and
I couldn't even recall one productive thing
I'd done..
I just felt like I had no purpose, really.
Then...I dragged my stepson along to our towns
Annual Christmas parade.
It's held at night and the main street is dimly lit
So, suffice it to say, we could barely see 
Whatever was parading on by...
Lol
Sitting on the curb, I was sipping a beer
When suddenly some random guy tapped me
On the shoulder..
He was selling chocolates.
Before I bought one, I asked him what the cause was?
He said, "for The Living Word, an outreach type
Church."
He handed me a business card.
Little did I know that card was my ticket to
Happiness.
The following Monday I went there with my
Grandson and stepson, and I loved it.
I've been going ever since.
Now I found a purpose and I try to be involved
In any way I can.
The pastor is so down to earth and motivating
And the people there, so kind and genuine.
I gotta say I feel lucky, a lot of people in this
World
Don't get this chance.
God Bless You.



Friday, March 11, 2016

Mixed Signals

Normally, in a relationship
You more or less know if your mate is being
Unfaithful.
You expect their denials, anger at confrontations
And their trying to "flip the script".
Rarely do you expect them to derive a sort of
Arrogance 
At the accusation..
Sarcasm and pride.
If you did expect that reaction, you would have to
Admit
That they really are a horrible human being.
They're cruel and callous.
Your suspicions are heartbreaking
So why would they deliberately try to
Hurt you even more...
Could be that they actually don't give a dam!
They feel nothing..zero..like psychopaths.
Numb.. narcissistic.
Why hang on to that shit?
Everytime you've had enough, they don't let you
Leave.
Mixed Signals.
It's easy to fall prey to that and stay stuck in that
Forever Wondering land.
It's not worth it.
Leave.