Marillyn Monroe

Marillyn Monroe
"Muah!!"

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Sick from ThInKINg

Last night I made myself sick.
Sick...from just Thinking.
Since I have Insomnia I spend
Long periods of time, Im pretty sure "hours"
Laying there..in bed..staring into space.
When you are in that vulnerable state
Your mnd, well at least mine, wanders.
It doesnt wander to nice places, usually, 
Either.
My mind has gotten into the bad habit of
Wandering over to the other side..
Where Death is mysterious..
Where the reality of Never Ever being able to
Return to life lies..
Im not familiar with any other way to
Exist
Comprehending the afterlife is out of my
Realm
And it scares me. 
The fear is real.
The anxiety palpable.
I feel sick. Sickened. 
I grab the wheel and steer myself away
From that place.
I grab the TV remote or my Tablet 
Anything to get away.
If Im lucky, I fall asleep.



Saturday, March 7, 2015

Liar LIAR

There have been times
Where I have been questioned
Interrogated, interviewed, quizzed
And set up.
No, im not a criminal, I dont have a 
Warrant for my arrest, 
Im not a Spy.
I am an ordinary person.
A human being with a past.
Key word: past.
So, I wonder this...
What amount of time has to pass
From the time you change your old ways
Until others who witness the change...
Decide to accept it?
Hence, if you did drugs in the past and for two
Years
You have remained clean and sober
Should those others finally accept what theyve
Witnessed for two years?
Or...should they continue to doubt you
Accuse you, question you, try to trick you,
Watch you, and catch you in lies?
More importantly though, ...
Should you even care?
Should your life become one of Explanations?
Ive thought about this and 
It occured to me 
That the person who is quick to call you
A liar, crackhead, stupid, ...
And what have you...
Is the ONE who is HIDING something
LYING about something
NERVOUS about something
And theyre just benefitting from 
Your past.






Thursday, February 26, 2015

Crying

Today I woke up crying
Letting out a sigh
I spent the morning trying
To recall the reason why?


I thought about the dream
What it might have meant
If it all could mean
A disasterous event?

The sadness that arose
Was an agony within
It started at my toes
And crept up thru my skin

I was drenched in tears
My pillow was so wet
My heartaches and my fears
Took with them all regret.

Eventually it ends
Its a form of letting go

A heart wrenching cleanse
A debt you no longer owe.










Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Its a Bitch...

It's a Bitch
When you move in to someone else's house.
It's a Bitch
When they still live with their parents.
It's a Bitch
When you're the only one who has no rights
Because you're not "family".
It's a Bitch
When every argument you have results in..
"If you don't like it, then get out!!"
It's a Bitch
When you alienated everyone 
Because you moved in with someone.
It's a Bitch 
When they know that and play that "get out!" Card
Even more so.
It's a Bitch 
When irrational rules are imposed on you
Because others in the house aren't comfortable.
It's a Bitch 
When you are denied the freedom to be
Yourself.
It's a Bitch 
When you're slowly being imprisoned and 
You don't have the guts to escape........




Saturday, February 7, 2015

The Pathetic

There are people who have the Need to feel superior.
They always point out everyone else's faults or
Shortcomings
They Never want to acknowledge positive aspects
In others, instead, they focus on faults
Whether present or past tense.
When you confront these people
Or call them out, or even offer constructive 
Criticisms
They can't handle it. 
Their response is to resort to putting you down
Bringing up shit you did or wrongs you committed
Anything to get the focus off of them.
They simply can not handle the truth.
It's as if they are in a competition for "the better person" 
Award.
It's sad.
And then, they blast shit onto social networks
Playing the Victim role to a tee.
They think that hurrying and putting shit out there
Makes them more believable.
They boast about being a good parent, a loving person
 role model of sorts
When, in fact,they're anything but!
When you call them on their shit they say
They've "changed"
Yeah, right. 
They'll call you a drug addict as they're 
Popping Oxycontin, Vicodin and Percocets!
They'll say you're worthless
As they lay in a drug induced stupor for hours at a time
Unaware of where their kids are
They'll say you'll never amount to anything
As they pass their welfare food card around
As payment for pills they fronted.
Sad. Sad.Sad.
It sucks to be them.




Thursday, January 29, 2015

teeter-tottering on regret

I'm sorta teeter-tottering on regret
Have you ever done something 
Or said something
While you're angry?
It's like you meant it but it didn't have to
Come out so harsh
Then when the anger subsides, 
You go over in your head all that 
You said
And you feel bad at your choice of words?
You sorta regret how you phrased shit
But then you sorta don't
Because you felt better after saying it?
Well, I'm teeter-tottering on my previous post
I'm not one to call out people
On their shit
But when some one is bashing your family
And you know they have no right
Because they're just as guilty
After so much, hell, you react.
So I'm not sure of regret
But I am sorry for hurting someone
Nonetheless.
I just felt the need to post this.
I love my son's endlessly
I'm there for them no matter what.
Every parent should protect their child
No matter how old.
.







Monday, January 26, 2015

Undercover Addict

This post is dedicated
To my wanna-be daughter in law...
You're pathetic
You're self absorbed and stupid
Look what you went and did NOW...
You fucked yourself big time.
You caused problems, thus, 
Cut your income off.
Your behavior is predictable
Routine and stupid
You always involve others
That don't know 
You're an undercover Drug Addict.
That way they can empathize with you
Pity you and side with you.
It's hilarious.
You post all this "poor little me" shit 
On social networks
In hopes of gaining sympathy.
Making yourself out to be
The victim, the long suffering faithful one
While your man is the one to blame
For everything bad in your life
Well, in case . You didn't know, 
You only come across as a stupid Bitch 
A vindictive scorned idiot.
People are laughing at you.
You're not that slick and they're 
Not that stupid!
Arguments with your man escalate
When you run out of pills.
That's when push comes to shove
And in your drug induced state of mind
You LIE, call the cops, call your bitchass dad
Your loudmouth mother, and every other
fucked up person you know
In an attempt to find an Ali 
So that you can remain
In your own delusional world
Maintaining that victim persona that's so important to you.
Then, the next day and many days after
You panic and call everyone
Trying to find your man
Regretting the shit 
You did, said and started.
Then, you're so retarded that you deny 
Trying to find him.
Stop already.
It's of no use
People see right thru you.
You are a Bona fide 
Norco,morphine,oxycontin,percocet,xanax,ambien
And other opiates 
Drug Addict. 
The fascade you live is about to become
Known.
Aww...boohoo bitch!!