Marillyn Monroe

Marillyn Monroe
"Muah!!"

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

The Followup..

February 1, 2014...
My Original Co-Star, "Smokey", 
Died.
Now three days ago his so called
Replacement, stunt double, stand in, 
Proxy, alternate, runner up, ...
Follow-up arrived.
If smoke was tiny...this one's teeny
If smoke was a newborn.. this one's a preemie.
He fits in the palm of my hand.
I can hold him with no hands like a cellphone.
I look at him and wonder if hell be 
Protective, faithful and understand Japanese 
Like Smokey did?
Will he also like skittles  and sleep in my
Pajamas?
Time will tell.
There's nothing better than having a pet who
Loves you unconditionally.l




Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Enlightened

Today I watched the sun rise
For lack of sleep at night
Silently my soul cries
My mind has taken flight.

I've company in stress
Heartache is my friend
I'm losing all my best
I'm coming to the end.

The edge of sink or swim
Is but a step away
I'm hanging by a limb
Forgetting how to pray.

Is this but a curse
My surrenders given power
My fear has quenched it's thirst
As I lay down and I cower.

Something in the sun rise
Spoke to me today
Failure has donned it's disguise
And the Lord has paved my way.






Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Not worth it

I swear
Sometimes people you regard as allys
Fuck you over big time.
You are lead to believe they've got your back...
Ha ha ha!!!...
They don't...never did...and never will...
That's what happens when you go and
Live with somebody... no engagement ring...
No concrete promises of marriage.
You're fucked.
And if by chance they live with their parents...
You're fucked twice.
You will NEVER have a home to call your own
You will NEVER have anybody on your side.
FUCKED  three times...
You will forever be regarded and treated as
An OUTSIDER..
You will never win an argument
You will never be right
You will never be believed
FUCKED four times...
You're dogshit, the runny diarrhea type.
You're like a Pawn...a scapegoat...a spare...
Everything that's wrong in that family
Everything that's fucked up 
Will all be on YOU.
FUCKED five times.
So...
Be smart, be true to yourself, 
Don't move in with anybody.
Save that for marriage.
Don't get fucked again.
It's not worth It..

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Mixed Up

Ok, so someone gives you an
Ultimatum...
Move in with them or...
Break up.
So...you move in with them because
You're blinded by the dick
Slowly but surely you feel your soul
Slipping away
Your will is not your own...
Your decisions are tainted with threats...
Your future is set...
Your self worth is worthless...
Ha ha ha...
Now the period of Enduration...
(Is that even a word?)
Bullying...Controlling...Degrading...
Abuse...Cut loose...Seduce...
WTF?
"I don't fucken need you!"
"I'm better by myself!"
"Get the fuck outta here!"
"I wanna be alone!"
"I'm tired of you!"
"Leave!"
So, you start packing your shit ...
Grab all the clothes from your drawers and
Throw em in a big pile...
You're beyond angry, feeling shitted on
Then he blocks your exit, pushes you back
Saying "don't go!"...
..............
For some insane, irrational, stupid asshole reason...
You lay down and stay.


Thursday, January 14, 2016

The Aftermath...

So, you had a bad day at work...
So somebody pissed you off...
So everything seems to be going wrong...
So!!,..Deal with it!..
Address it..ignore it..forget it..or revel in it!..
Just Don't bring it home.
Don't bring that mindset, anger, pessimism, poison
Home...Don't!...
There are happy hearts here, contented souls, innocent people.
Let us have that.
Just because you're down don't pull us down with you.
Don't infect us with your sour, bitter bullshit!
Save your explosions for the proper place.
This ain't it.
But, if you don't care(at the time), just remember...
The Aftermath...Consequences...Next Day...
Your gonna try and talk civil, act normal, forget...
Oompala!...
We ain't forgot.
Our cuts are still bleeding
Our hearts are still cracked...
Now you gotta come up with some way
To make it all better.
If it's possible.
Because Now sorry's are sorry words
And I love you's suck!!
You put a dent in the relationship that can't be
Pulled out.
So, for your sake and Your sake,..think
Before you spit some shit out you'll regret
And the aftermath you won't be able to 
Fix.




Sunday, October 25, 2015

Almost Time

Here it comes...
Almost time...
Time to think..remember..and feel
The loss..the regret..the anger..
Over my Mother...
She died on Christmas Day.
Who does that?
Who dies on Christmas day fucking up all
Future Christmas days for their 
Family?
Why couldnt she do that in May?
August?...even April?...
You know, choose an insignificant month/day
So we could see it coming, let it go by, and carry on?
Just another day.
But then again, she wasnt going out like that..
She had to make sure of her "unforgetableness"...
So, there she went..closed her eyes and "got ghost!"
Right on Christmas day.
Time is at hand..
When we bustle about making plans, arranging 
Get togethers, shop, bake, and enjoy 
The preliminaries of the Holidays and
Holidays themselves.
I try to ignore the black cloud 
Looming overhead taking little dives at me
Almost forcing me to remember that day my
Mother died...
Ruining whatever joy Id mustered up 
For the holidays
But its hard..to Not feel the loss, the hurt
My mother.


Thursday, October 8, 2015

Right Now

Right now...
Right fucken now...
Im sitting on a chair at the side of my bed
Its not a cushiony comfy chair, its metal
I dont know why I just dont climb on the bed
Im leaning on it,...stupid.
I got this sudden wave of sadness wash over me
But, I recognized it, I know where it will take me
So, I fucken dismissed it like a fourth period class...
Im debating whether to stay  put
Or walk to my dads...just for a change in scenery.
When all the household crap is done and ive got
Time to myself, I can always think up something else to do.
Im never bored.
Im creative....so I can, at times, create some bullshit 
Sadness.
It doesnt last long because I remind myself 
Of how lucky I am to have my life, my sons, my boyfriend..
My grandson, granddaughters, dad, etc...
And alcohol....yeah,....
So right now
Im good...cool...
Thankful.