Marillyn Monroe

Marillyn Monroe

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Almost Time

Here it comes...
Almost time...
Time to think..remember..and feel
The loss..the regret..the anger..
Over my Mother...
She died on Christmas Day.
Who does that?
Who dies on Christmas day fucking up all
Future Christmas days for their 
Why couldnt she do that in May?
August?...even April?...
You know, choose an insignificant month/day
So we could see it coming, let it go by, and carry on?
Just another day.
But then again, she wasnt going out like that..
She had to make sure of her "unforgetableness"...
So, there she went..closed her eyes and "got ghost!"
Right on Christmas day.
Time is at hand..
When we bustle about making plans, arranging 
Get togethers, shop, bake, and enjoy 
The preliminaries of the Holidays and
Holidays themselves.
I try to ignore the black cloud 
Looming overhead taking little dives at me
Almost forcing me to remember that day my
Mother died...
Ruining whatever joy Id mustered up 
For the holidays
But its Not feel the loss, the hurt
My mother.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Right Now

Right now...
Right fucken now...
Im sitting on a chair at the side of my bed
Its not a cushiony comfy chair, its metal
I dont know why I just dont climb on the bed
Im leaning on it,...stupid.
I got this sudden wave of sadness wash over me
But, I recognized it, I know where it will take me
So, I fucken dismissed it like a fourth period class...
Im debating whether to stay  put
Or walk to my dads...just for a change in scenery.
When all the household crap is done and ive got
Time to myself, I can always think up something else to do.
Im never bored.
Im I can, at times, create some bullshit 
It doesnt last long because I remind myself 
Of how lucky I am to have my life, my sons, my boyfriend..
My grandson, granddaughters, dad, etc...
And alcohol....yeah,....
So right now

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Hes a Pussy,...and Im not a Lesbian

Hes a Pussy
How do you know that?...
Well, in an argument, he threatens to 
"Call the cops!" on you...
Hes an Indian Giver...
Uses whatever gifts hes given you as
Leverage to control you...
Hes a "name caller"
As if hes still in the fourth grade...
When the words escalate to the physical
He bobs and weaves as if u can really hit harder
He doesnt know how to resolve anything
Instead, he resorts to threats that are as idle as
Your thighs...seeing he rarely is in between them
If hes such a pussy...Why be with him?
If you love dick,why u with a pussy??
Ive had to regroup, collect my thoughts, stop and think....
Im not a fucken lesbian.
Its time to go.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

I Dont Want To Forget Today

I dont want to forget Today
Im afraid if I dont put it in writing
Im likely to forget, in time.
My Dad, my sister and I
Spent the afternoon together.
I cant remember when I laughed so much.
We went to lunch and then hit the casino!
From the time we got into the car
Until the time we got out of the car..
We talked, joked, reminisced about our past
And laughed at all the little funny mishaps
Life has brought us, thus far.
It was a real genuine bond we experienced
I dont want to forget it. 
My dad is 87years old, but the way he carried on
Youde never have guessed it.
We dont see my sister enough, 
I realized that today.
Im happy for this day, this memory.
Im lucky to have it.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Dont argue with Stupid

Man, its hard to argue with
Mentally ill people.
Not retarded ones, but the ones
Who just dont "get it"
Theyll come at you with some wild
Accusation, they made up in their head
And be so adamant about it to the point
Of biligerence!!
You try to reason, prove, verify the
Nonsense in their words
Just when they appear to calm down, 
Understand, apologize even..
Suddenly out of nowhere 
Theyre right back to the same shit
Even throwing in some other stupid shit
Against you
Its maddening, provoking, and quite sad
No matter what you say, what truths be told,
They always return to their same old shit
Adding, "I thought you were my friend"
Or some other pity phrase...
The whole bullshit wont end unless you end it.
You gotta remember that person is
Mentally ill
They make things up in their head, they never tire
They only escalate.
Walk away, thats what you gotta do, or hang up.
Next time you see them itll be as if 
Nothing ever happened.
Because nothing really did.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015


Im sick and tired 
Of how I feel
What I once desired
I long for, ..still

A loving touch
A caring word
Is that too much
To feel assured!?

Whats the cost?
Is there a price to pay?
And whats the loss?
Theyre just words to say

Go ahead, tell a lie
Do as you see fit
It matters to me if you try...
Who cares that its all Bullshit!!

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Afterlife...of a drug addict

The afterlife 
Of a drug addict ...
Is their damnation.
Their drug fueled previous life
Was nowhere near stressful in comparison.
In the AFterLiFe you inherit a whole new miriad of
Worries and issues.
Where you once donned a baseball cap, tank top,
Pajama bottoms with that inevitable hole in the crotch,
And socks to buy cigarettes in the rain...
Now you must be presentable, attractive, suitable.
Where you once were fearless about smoking shit in the 
Church restroom because the altar call was being made...
Now everytime you pass by that church, you ask Gods
Forgiveness, then drive on, hoping not to be struck dead!
Where you once squeezed out a fake tear, telling a tragic
Tale to your mom, always resulting in "so thats why I need
"Ten dollars..."
Now you have to show PROOF if you even want to borrow
Two bucks for a bottle of water, like a doctors note 
Confirming you are dehydrated.
Where you once promised and swore on somebodys grave
That you would definitely be at their high school
Graduation, even convincing your own self...
Now you gotta make it a point to arrive thirty minutes early
No matter that its 104degrees outside and your car has
Visibly no gas, no air conditioning and no tags!..just to
Give them a ride home from work.
I could go on and on and on, but...
I might scare somebody out of their sobriety.
Suffice it to say, ..been there..done that
And the worth it all.