Marillyn Monroe

Marillyn Monroe

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

My RyderRoo came to visit...

My RyderRoo came to visit last Wednesday
He went back home yesterday, Tuesday
Every single day he was here with me
I thanked God
He is everything to me
Once or maybe twice, he told me he hated me
But when he looked at me after he said that
I could just see the regret in his eyes
I could see that he was sorry hed said it
Hes just so used to getting his way in everything
That when I finally do say no or forbid something or other
He goes into shock!!
But, hes a sweetheart and always apologizes
I love to listen to him and my stepson having a
Theyre like two mini adults and its so funny.
They pretend theyre italian and speak with an accent
Its so funny!
We had a great time with my Ryder Roo
Went on a lil vacation and just made the most of
Ryder Joshua Bustos, my grandson, 
I Love You.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

They never even came out my vagina!

No matter how strong of a bond
You feel you have formed with a person
Such as a step this or other..
You eventually do find out 
That sort of bond is extinguishable...
Brittle...easily broken.
Yeah, you eventually find out, like I did
Circumstances arise that truley test
What youve made yourself believe you have
And when the reality of the fascade hits you
In the face...
It can really be devastating...heartfelt
Even hurtful to the tenth degree
In the midst of my tears, I remember
Thinking...Why? Why does it matter? 
They never even came out my vagina!!
I dont have to love them like this!
I felt like as true as I was, I assumed they were too
And then when I realize they werent, 
Its like being hit with a solid steel baseball bat!
Let me tell you, it hurts.
It hurts real bad.
A thousand apologies can never soothe  the hurt
Re-tie the bond, or rekindle anything 
Its done.
Your eyes are open.
Youre regretfully aware.
Fucken sad.


Wednesday, June 17, 2015

ten days of HEAVEN

Ryder arrived and my life began.
Who can truley understand this?
From the very first day I laid eyes on him
Something inside of me changed, shifted, was different
A bond was created, formed, and deepened
With each passing year
Hes seven now.
Hes a very mature seven.
I miss him everyday
And many days I cant bear to think about him
Because then I miss him
Two months ago he came to stay with me for
Spring vacation.
My ten days of heaven
He had a blast
Now school is finally over and im hoping to have him
This summer vacation
Hes my only and my first grandson
Hes so special.
Ryder Joshua Bustos

Saturday, May 23, 2015

HAppInESs iS...

I tend to think alot.
So, I had these thoughts on Happiness.
My Happiness...
What truley makes me Happy?
When am I Happy?..Happiest?..
I realized
Im Happy whenever Im in the company of my Sons.
Whether it be one, two, or all three.
No matter what were doing. 
Eating, talking, or just sitting quiet
I feel happy.
Im Happiest, though, when my little
Grand daughters and grandson are with me.
Whether its Alina, coming by for a little visit
Harlow bullying her way thru the house
Rhowynn tiptoeing behind me doing everything Im doing
Or Ryder, just having the run of the house.
I never even had an inklng that you could love
Someone as deep as a grandchild.
I assumed nothing surpassed the love between
Mother and child
But then came Ryder......
Everything...Everyone became less...
My whole world changed.
Happiness took on a whole different meaning.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Time for Family

Sometimes you gotta make time
For Family.
Unless its My house, where family
Gathers for whatever reason
Im usually not one to linger.
About fifteen minutes into the visit..
Im ready to go. 
Home..Outside..The store..whatever.
Its not that I have things to do, or 
Am on any kind of time limit
I just am not one to hang around.
So, I surprised myself this past week.
My brother and his family came from out of state
My sister and other brother came down from out of town
Everyone gathered at my dads.
So, I went over and I really enjoyed myself
And enjoyed my family.
We had good food and good conversation
And for once, I didnt leave.
In fact, I did leave for a few minutes but 
Came right back.
I realized later that night how much fun
And bonding Ive been missing out on all along.
So I think Im gonna change my ways a little
And really cherish those moments that are
Far and few between
When we have family gatherings.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

WARNING: This post contains an opinion that may be unacceptable.

Something that has been stirring up
Inside of me is
Something nobody talks about... least nobody I know.
Shit. yeah, thats right, ..Shit. Feces. B.M. Poo. Number two.
My mind often wanders to places unknown,
Places it dont need to go to.
Though on one of these treks
My curiosity was perked.
...Where does all the shit come from?
Not the usual routine type of crap
The ordinary logs.
Im talking about the shit that sits behind the 
Normal piece.You dont know its there,although
Its responsible for the stomach cramps
The state of urgency, the gut gurgling
And even at times, the putrid gas that paves the way.
So you find the toilet and with the next wave of cramps
A solid stool is a welcomed relief, finally.
You may think, dam, where did that come from?
But, then, to your surprise...
Out comes the pudding...
Stop and go..stop and go..
You gotta flush after each episode for fear
Of floods
You sit and sit feeling sore yet pleasantly still
Waiting for nothing else
You walk away wondering, where did all that shit come from?
You havent been eating alot, how could it all be inside you?
Maybe we generate the liquid form as a means
To aid the normal excrement, should it dry out
Or form a mass a tad too big for the exit.
Whatever the deal is, its just all
A bunch of crap!

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Sick from ThInKINg

Last night I made myself sick.
Sick...from just Thinking.
Since I have Insomnia I spend
Long periods of time, Im pretty sure "hours"
Laying bed..staring into space.
When you are in that vulnerable state
Your mnd, well at least mine, wanders.
It doesnt wander to nice places, usually, 
My mind has gotten into the bad habit of
Wandering over to the other side..
Where Death is mysterious..
Where the reality of Never Ever being able to
Return to life lies..
Im not familiar with any other way to
Comprehending the afterlife is out of my
And it scares me. 
The fear is real.
The anxiety palpable.
I feel sick. Sickened. 
I grab the wheel and steer myself away
From that place.
I grab the TV remote or my Tablet 
Anything to get away.
If Im lucky, I fall asleep.