Marillyn Monroe

Marillyn Monroe
"Muah!!"

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

ten days of HEAVEN

Ryder arrived and my life began.
Who can truley understand this?
From the very first day I laid eyes on him
Something inside of me changed, shifted, was different
A bond was created, formed, and deepened
With each passing year
Hes seven now.
Hes a very mature seven.
I miss him everyday
And many days I cant bear to think about him
Because then I miss him
Two months ago he came to stay with me for
Spring vacation.
My ten days of heaven
He had a blast
Now school is finally over and im hoping to have him
This summer vacation
Hes my only and my first grandson
Hes so special.
Ryder Joshua Bustos



Saturday, May 23, 2015

HAppInESs iS...

I tend to think alot.
So, I had these thoughts on Happiness.
My Happiness...
What truley makes me Happy?
When am I Happy?..Happiest?..
Thinking...Reflecting..Pondering....
I realized
Im Happy whenever Im in the company of my Sons.
Whether it be one, two, or all three.
No matter what were doing. 
Eating, talking, or just sitting quiet
I feel happy.
Im Happiest, though, when my little
Grand daughters and grandson are with me.
Whether its Alina, coming by for a little visit
Harlow bullying her way thru the house
Rhowynn tiptoeing behind me doing everything Im doing
Or Ryder, just having the run of the house.
I never even had an inklng that you could love
Someone as deep as a grandchild.
I assumed nothing surpassed the love between
Mother and child
But then came Ryder......
Everything...Everyone became less...
My whole world changed.
Happiness took on a whole different meaning.



Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Time for Family

Sometimes you gotta make time
For Family.
Unless its My house, where family
Gathers for whatever reason
Im usually not one to linger.
About fifteen minutes into the visit..
Im ready to go. 
Home..Outside..The store..whatever.
Its not that I have things to do, or 
Am on any kind of time limit
I just am not one to hang around.
So, I surprised myself this past week.
My brother and his family came from out of state
My sister and other brother came down from out of town
Everyone gathered at my dads.
So, I went over and I really enjoyed myself
And enjoyed my family.
We had good food and good conversation
And for once, I didnt leave.
In fact, I did leave for a few minutes but 
Came right back.
I realized later that night how much fun
And bonding Ive been missing out on all along.
So I think Im gonna change my ways a little
And really cherish those moments that are
Far and few between
When we have family gatherings.



Wednesday, April 29, 2015

WARNING: This post contains an opinion that may be unacceptable.

Something that has been stirring up
Inside of me is
Something nobody talks about...
Usually...at least nobody I know.
Shit. yeah, thats right, ..Shit. Feces. B.M. Poo. Number two.
My mind often wanders to places unknown,
Places it dont need to go to.
Though on one of these treks
My curiosity was perked.
...Where does all the shit come from?
Not the usual routine type of crap
The ordinary logs.
Im talking about the shit that sits behind the 
Normal piece.You dont know its there,although
Its responsible for the stomach cramps
The state of urgency, the gut gurgling
And even at times, the putrid gas that paves the way.
So you find the toilet and with the next wave of cramps
"Boom!" 
A solid stool is a welcomed relief, finally.
You may think, dam, where did that come from?
But, then, to your surprise...
Out comes the pudding...
Stop and go..stop and go..
You gotta flush after each episode for fear
Of floods
You sit and sit feeling sore yet pleasantly still
Waiting for nothing else
You walk away wondering, where did all that shit come from?
You havent been eating alot, how could it all be inside you?
Maybe we generate the liquid form as a means
To aid the normal excrement, should it dry out
Or form a mass a tad too big for the exit.
Whatever the deal is, its just all
A bunch of crap!


Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Sick from ThInKINg

Last night I made myself sick.
Sick...from just Thinking.
Since I have Insomnia I spend
Long periods of time, Im pretty sure "hours"
Laying there..in bed..staring into space.
When you are in that vulnerable state
Your mnd, well at least mine, wanders.
It doesnt wander to nice places, usually, 
Either.
My mind has gotten into the bad habit of
Wandering over to the other side..
Where Death is mysterious..
Where the reality of Never Ever being able to
Return to life lies..
Im not familiar with any other way to
Exist
Comprehending the afterlife is out of my
Realm
And it scares me. 
The fear is real.
The anxiety palpable.
I feel sick. Sickened. 
I grab the wheel and steer myself away
From that place.
I grab the TV remote or my Tablet 
Anything to get away.
If Im lucky, I fall asleep.



Saturday, March 7, 2015

Liar LIAR

There have been times
Where I have been questioned
Interrogated, interviewed, quizzed
And set up.
No, im not a criminal, I dont have a 
Warrant for my arrest, 
Im not a Spy.
I am an ordinary person.
A human being with a past.
Key word: past.
So, I wonder this...
What amount of time has to pass
From the time you change your old ways
Until others who witness the change...
Decide to accept it?
Hence, if you did drugs in the past and for two
Years
You have remained clean and sober
Should those others finally accept what theyve
Witnessed for two years?
Or...should they continue to doubt you
Accuse you, question you, try to trick you,
Watch you, and catch you in lies?
More importantly though, ...
Should you even care?
Should your life become one of Explanations?
Ive thought about this and 
It occured to me 
That the person who is quick to call you
A liar, crackhead, stupid, ...
And what have you...
Is the ONE who is HIDING something
LYING about something
NERVOUS about something
And theyre just benefitting from 
Your past.






Thursday, February 26, 2015

Crying

Today I woke up crying
Letting out a sigh
I spent the morning trying
To recall the reason why?


I thought about the dream
What it might have meant
If it all could mean
A disasterous event?

The sadness that arose
Was an agony within
It started at my toes
And crept up thru my skin

I was drenched in tears
My pillow was so wet
My heartaches and my fears
Took with them all regret.

Eventually it ends
Its a form of letting go

A heart wrenching cleanse
A debt you no longer owe.