Marillyn Monroe

Marillyn Monroe

Thursday, July 28, 2016

STOP reading...START doing!_

I was on the internet
Reading, listing, trying to validate
My reality.
I felt like every dam site was a good friend
Or.. a fake friend
Agreeing with everything I feel
Everything I need to do
Everything I know...
Is really happening to 
I turned the whole shit off...
I need to stop reading, looking, searching, validating
My relationship.
I need to start
Get the fuck on..fuck out..
It's bad enough to lie to others
But lying to your own self...
Takes the fucken cake!!!
I'm unhappy because he's unhappy
And there is no happy
In sight.
He's a cheater..liar..fornicator..bullshiter..
And smug as a mother fucken bug!!
Time to go.
Time to go.
Time to go.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

It's hard to leave

For some insane inexplicable
It's hard to leave.
When I think of the ease in which
He had to cheat..
I wanna just scoop up all my shit
Throw it all in bags 
And jam!
But I don't.
I'm organized.
I gotta do things in order..
I got some good advice from a friend
I have to stop living life as a
Private investigator
I have to realize I'm above it all
I deserve to be loved and valued
One hundred percent
All the questionable things he does
Should not affect me
When that peace of mind ascends
Then it's time to go.
It's hard to leave...
Right now.

Friday, July 1, 2016

The Inevitable Happens

Man, the Inevitable hAPpeNS.
There is the possibility 
We, the Affected One, couldve 
Stopped it, prevented it, delayed it..
Had we just took it serious from the start.
When I noticed something out of the ordinary
Thats all I did...noticed.
A while later I noticed something else
Out of the ordinary..
I pondered it and did nothing.
As time wore on
More and more things, incidents, behaviors
Were happening...
Then, I began to question it
Only to be met with anger, denial, ultimatums..
So I turned a deaf ear..a blind back 
On it all.
Meanwhile the anger, distrust, resentment and fear
Slowly festered inside of me
Until one day...
I was made aware that the INEVITABLE WAS INDEED
Everything I hadnt said, everything I hadnt known,
Everything I felt..clustered into an ever growing mass of mixed
Emotions lead by RAGE!..
I wasnt myself.
I ran out of the house and down the streets with
The intent to kill!! 
Out in the middle of nowhere I found a way
To a friends house. 
I melted. I stayed until all ill will was gone.
I have to think back now.
That first time something out of the ordinary happened..
What if I had acted on it?..could I have prevented it all?
Too late. ..?.. well, if I noticed something odd and 
Acted on it, I think I could've prevented it or stopped it.
Anything is possible.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

When do they let you in?

Lately I been wondering about that..
When do you become accepted?
Youre with them but not of them..
So five years go rolling by as youre
There, living with a bf and his kid and
His parents
Nothing has changed in the way of the
Dynamics of family..
No mix and mingle..
For you
You are not included in plans of any kind
Conversations are not done in your presence
Its almost as if theres a secret floating around
Being kept from you.
Youve learned not to self include because of
The cold shoulders
So distance is your preferred choice
Hearing everything second hand is yours
Some families are like this, 
They dont see it they dont feel it
So they dont care
So I dont care
Close the bedroom door and turn up 
The tv.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Re: Chapo

Chapo is 5mos old now.
Hes my little shadow.. my mini me.
If I wake up at 7:30am
Chapo does too
If I lay in bed until noon
Chapo does too
Hes with me every step of the way.
Hes so attached to me its tiring.
Funny thing is that whenever I grab his leash
He knows were going somewhere.
Thats ok with him so long as he gets to walk me!
Yes, hell fuss and pull and yank on the leash until I
Surrender it.
Then off goes Chapo walking himself.
He has tocontrol the walk.
Chapo goes with me into any store, hes known and well behaved.
My life revolves around chapo.
I love it. Hes my boy
But at times it isnt feasable to take chapo to certain places
Omg..hell cry his ass off.
At nighttime hes Daddys baby, allways snuggled up with him
I. Love him.

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Lies!..LIES!..and more Lies

Does anybody tell the truth?
The 100% truth?
Can anyone be honest?
Totally honest?
All these half truths and 
Part truths and
Almost truths suck!!
Just when you go against your own
Beliefs and decide reluctantly to believe
A person's being honest, 
BAM!!..a slap in your face!
They lied...again.
All the effort they put into claiming
Their honesty was a Lie.
A lie.
A dam lie.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

The Regret Will Not Be Mine

I packed away most of 
My possessions that adorned the walls
And this bedroom.
I packed up the clothes that I won't be wearing
In the next week or so.
I organized other things I own in boxes, baskets,
And drawers.
I called ahead for the help ill be needing
Moving my stuff out.
And now ill finally do it.
I don't know if I was dreading change
Or avoiding succumbing to failure
Or holding out for a miraculous transformation
Of a man who is anything but.
Whatever it was, it's been and it's done.
I will move forward with no regrets.
When I found myself defending my character
To a man who is unfaithful and deceitful
It was like a slap in my face.
I'm important here, I'm the one to be valued
And I'm fighting for my own self worth?
This is done.
Life is too short.